My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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