if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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