so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
