Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm at about main and main street
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
