Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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