Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
