Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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