I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
