Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
