Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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