Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
