I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize