I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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