When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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