my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
