the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
