I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
