people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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