dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
