I want to make a zoo with you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize