we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
