You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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