You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
