Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
