remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
