The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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