I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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