What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
