9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
