He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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