I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
