She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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