in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
