Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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