I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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