My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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