I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
