who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
