Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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