So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
