He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
