U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
