I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
