Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
