I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So squirting runs in the family.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
