Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Non-Jews are for practice
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
