Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
