Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
