sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
