Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dignity is for republicans.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
