dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
