I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
