this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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