Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
