we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
