So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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