Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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