Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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