bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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