Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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