I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
