two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
