just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
