why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
