I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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