I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
