Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
