my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize