I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
