giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
