Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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