i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
